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by Brian O'Connor
(Eastern Star London Lodge No.95)
At 9 o'clock one evening outside Freemason's Hall in London a police sergeant was instructing a young police cadet on how to increase his arrest rate.
He advised the young man that after Masonic meetings, the Brethren invariably drank too much at the Festive Board and frequently attempted to drive home afterwards.
Sure enough, after a short wait, a man came staggering and swaying down the steps, almost fell, recovered and lurched towards a parked car. His progress was slow and, whilst he was making his way towards his vehicle many other Freemasons passed on their way.
But, our officers of the law had him in their sights and ignored all the other brethren. Finally he reached his car, took out his ignition keys and, after several attempts, managed to insert the key into the driver's door and lurch into the driving seat.
At this point the coppers pounced ... "You're under arrest for being drunk in charge of a motor vehicle said the sergeant" The Freemason turned a stone cold sober face towards the policeman and said "but I haven't had anything to drink all day."
The poor sergeant seeing this sober individual in front of him was thwarted, but puzzled "But ... but ... you've been to a Masonic meeting and to the festive board haven't you?" To which our man assented. "Of course" he said "I occupy a very important office in the lodge ... I am Senior Decoy!"